The New Road...

New Year...New Decade...
The stage is set...the lights are on. I am ready to do one thing this year, just one thing and that is to change be who I am...
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Now...Not So Much....

Strange that the things that I thought I couldn't "live without", I now have been living with out for about 5 years now. Five years ago I decided to reduce and streamline my life and that this Friday I will totally overhaul my life and reduce it down to "absolutely need" I will give dispose of ALL unnecessary things in my life. It is going to be major to a level that I have been preparing for the past five years and now am ready to commit to as I have with the celibacy oath I made at that time and this spring, March to be exact turns 6, yes six years no physical contact of the sexual kind
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Today + Time = Tomorrow

I find my self always looking for the best way to use up time and no longer waste time but I get caught up sometimes and end up not doing anything that I wanted to do. So I take a step back and realize that have plenty of things or tasks to perform that all I need is to start with one because most of the time we are tricked by a word and that word is "multi-task" it may work for some things but for what I do I need complete focus...to take advantage of "Time" to make a better tomorrow...
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Letting Go...Mourning...Moving On...

Yes, I was in one of those moods today. I found myself reminiscing remembering a dream I once had that could if modified still become true, but no I must make room for the new ones that are more fitting to where I'm at in real time and who I have become. I have three personal dreams left. The first two I have put into motion and those have an expiration date and the third...that one is until I leave this realm in short for as long as I live. That is the most "real" one of the three but in good conscience I must at least give the other two a chance......
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The Time Of The Season..

Finding myself out and about just sitting and watching people go by, it's one my favorite things to do. To me being out and observing. It's wonderful but this time of year it's great simply for the energy that fills the air some negative but the positive out weighs it and creates beauty which inspires me and sets off the creative energy in me...
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Wow

Wow this is a long day. It will be over in about 4hrs.
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BRIGHT!!....

I feel like this inside today....like anything can happen....!
This is also how I want to live everyday....BRIGHT!
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A Beautiful Boston Night...

This is great. I had to reconnect to my blog through my new mobile ....yes, I forgot to save my blog email to my phone but all is good and I will be able to blog on the fly. The new thing I want to start is "commenting" more on what I see...
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Conversations With Friends...

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Can't send pictures to my blog!!

What

What?

Today was just hit with the realization that I really have to start from scratch...

Hey! I'm gonna start this again needed a break

Testing?

Pdtmpatd

Nothing To Say...Really?

What can there be going on in my head? I named the blog “look for today” because I wanted to share brief daily thoughts on my experience of the day with a cute picture thrown in just for fun. That never seemed to happen.  I took to writing monthly but I poured so much into it that I felt an obligation to keep it always upbeat but I couldn’t because anther objective was to keep it real and as honest as possible without coming across like one who is ready to jump off the nearest bridge, so what I share I want the two of you who read it to know that I am just letting off some frustration and they are just thoughts they do not control me but they have an mild affect on me and trust me I don’t want to die I love life no matter where it takes or leads me even if I am homeless and live on the streets I will always chose life and will be thankful for every day I see no matter what.

I am in essence a lover of life in all its manifestations…in the ups and in the downs I live to get the best out of it all so let me share my latest mind travel.

I have a dream….to even write this is challenging because I now it’s here in cyberspace and it seems as though I wished for it now it has to become real and I don’t want to be disappointed because I have often lost steam (desire) whatever you want to call it even passion, when a few things don’t go right I slow down and take a few steps back and sit. I don’t move for awhile trying to figure out what to do next and in come the “negative ninnies”. I give in and start looking at all the negatives and become totally discouraged and play with the thoughts of just retreating, going back to my everyday life, working and coming home to look at blogs and read articles about fashion also blogs that discuss healthy eating habits and physical activities that will help you live better by making the best choices. I would always be reminded that I don’t make enough money, money it haunts me it has an odd hold on me. I have not had a good relationship with it money has always been something for me to get what I want and that is the only relationship I have had, so when I can’t get what I want then I hate it(money) then becomes my enemy. This has lead me to start reading books on money management and how to make it work for you at any level and how to have a healthy relationship with ‘it” even if you are making the national minimum. I read these books looking for a magic formula and halfway through there is none and I become completely disinterested….moving right along…can’t I just hire someone to take care of it?...ha! I think I need money for that but in the mean time back to the original topic and that is my dream and all I can seem to do is keep heading in that direction and doing all within my reach to make it happen. The goal is to achieve it and I have three years to give it my all because after that I’m hanging it up and moving to Hawaii and working at the local Starbucks and learning how to surf , oh and I will be Fifty by then…So here I go!!!     

Just A Little...Goes A Long Way...

The enemy of faith is doubt. How do you know when you are afraid or paralyzed?  One sign in my life has been wondering if, wondering why and wondering when? Did you see it?  It’s the wondering, why I wonder when I should “just do”. Especially when you have a semi-clear idea of what it is you want to do. In the second week of November I will have the opportunity to make the last two pieces fit and then I will be on my way and the only one that will slow me down will be me. It’s going to be a great winter. All I have to do is keep "wondering" at bay....

“start where you’re at with what you’ve got”……

I See You....

You just peeked! I saw you! Now it will be a bit more difficult for you to trick me. Oh man, another one a "negative-ninny", how bold you have been coming at me for the longest you have been one of the strongest because you some how convinced me you were my friend and all these years keeping me back but no longer, for I know who you really are and the purpose you so aptly served. Time for me to move on and inform you that there is no place for you.."Negative-ninny"....
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Breathe....

I was watching a motivational video yesterday. And the speaker said "most of you say you want to succeed but what are we willing to do?"
Guy: I want to be on your level!
Guru: then meet me at the beach at 4am.
Guy: I don't want to learn how to swim, I wanna make money!
Guru: meet me at the beach at 4am.
Guy: ugh! Ok...next day he was there at 4am dressed to impress.
Guru: you want to be successful? Get in the water.
Guy: (indignant) I don't want no swimming lesson I wanna be successful!
Guru: get in the water.
Guy: starts to get in (hesitates) then gets in and when the water is up to his chin..the guru grabs his head and holds him under water..guy fighting..then guru pulls him out and asks.
Guru: when you were down there what did you want?
Guy: to breathe...
Guru: when you want success as bad as you wanted to breathe "then" you'll be successful...

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So Close...

Wow, I was just going through my check list of the tools I need to get the designing started and all I need is actually two more things but out of the two the most important is the dotted pattern paper. I was watching "Project Runway" and I keep seeing the contestants using it and it makes me just wanna run to Parsons and take one of those rolls and smuggle it back to Boston and get to working...ha, ha, ha!!! Crazy things that creep in to ones head when you are so close you can taste it...I guess getting out and about today was just what I needed to get the juices or should I say the hunger flowing again....I gonna breathe now...woos ah!!!


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A New View....

I will share some...this is one of the people I read to gain a better view on life and how to look at things in your world....enjoy...
When you get the results you're after, that's great. When the results fall short of your expectations, that's great too because you gain valuable knowledge and experience.  

 

If you're going through a difficult stretch, keep going and you'll get yourself beyond it. If you're getting unsatisfactory results, keep making the effort, keep getting results and as you grow more effective with each attempt, you'll eventually get it just right.  

 

With each action you take, you make a difference. The more experience you have at making a difference, the more skillful you become at making that difference exactly what you want it to be.  

 

Look back at how far you've come since you started. See and understand how even the disappointing results have helped you to find your way forward.  

 

With every effort, regardless of the outcome, you've made a step in the direction of the results you seek. Always expect the best, no matter what has happened before, for your results will move steadily toward your expectations.  

 

Keep going, keep making the effort, keep making a difference and keep getting results. Each day, each action brings you ever closer to the goal.

 

Ralph Marston - The Daily Motivator
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Summer Is Back...

Summer is back to sing for us it's swan song. It will return in about 10months hopefully with the same intensity that it shared with us this time around.
Now that my favorite time of year is approaching my spirits are up things are on a very positive note and I want more than ever "change". Not that I needed the weather to change but I have started to look for the positive no matter what the situation. It has helped me learn to have an attitude of resolution instead of dread and panic. So enter fall an help me rise...so. Summer is back and I am learning how to keep it with me every day...
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Good Things Ahead..

Wow! I am driving around Hopkinton, Ma. and what do I see!?! Leaves falling and trees already changing colors then the smell of hot apple cider and warm pumpkin scones...mmmmmm!!! I love the fall...
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A Better View...

Yes.... in the dark where things seem scary and feel like a tsunami....and the only way to get it over with is to go right through it. These are the moments that develop one of two things fear or courage, hopefully the winner will be courage. The opportunity to see yourself in a more competent light to see a better version of you. So now that the storm has passed and I am still standing speaks volumes to me about further encounters and that is I can....and that gives me the courage to move on and get back on track.... Seeing my new life and actually living it..
Thank you all for the support....the sun will shine it can't help but SHINE!!
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There's More?

So....again the dark passenger is at my side. In the mid eighties I heard a song "Mr. Blue" the chorus was "I'm mr blue and I'm here to stay with you and no matter what you do when you are lonely I'll be lonely too". Through out the song it gives you examples of situations that individuals find themselves in that have caused pain and sadness. This simple song exposed to me "the dark passenger" the mass of negative energy that lingers and waits at every turn to make any circumstance or situation into something greater than it really is by lying to me. And making everything a crisis. The simple fact is that there is a path that if you follow you may keep the dark passenger at bay but I often veer off the path and play outside the lines with the excuse that one must live a little. Later I feel the "bite" and it's not pleasant and unlike Pavlovs conditioned response exercise I keep going back knowing the outcome expecting that a different one will show up and then I label it "faith", expect the unexpected.

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Is That All There Is?

That's it!...things have to change!! Ugh! Enough!! Need to move on. I can no longer go on like this. That was the main thought process for me this whole week. Here I am watching helpless no way out full of disillusion and pain. I can't see a way out, maybe I refuse to. Most of the time I believe I like this state of being always feeling hounded and that nothing good will ever happen as circumstances keep me imprisoned. I fear that I will never be free. At this point I ask what's the point? Why bother. Really? To go out on top, on top of what? All I ever really wanted was a good and decent life with a bit of joy and not feeling as though all is constantly falling apart and feeling abandoned by a God that picks and chooses who gets it and who doesn't. So no matter what I hope for and what I desire I only get 2% of that. As for giving 100%, I gave all I had and none of it was returned in case your asking what I gave away so freely was trust and hope always looking up with trust and now the trust bank is overdrawn. Don't even know if I want to any more. Maybe I don't really want all those things I once thought I wanted maybe all I want is a quiet place to live where I can eat from any fruit in the garden take a nap, swim in crystal waters and create beautiful things, make my own house, furniture and clothing and live on a lush island..
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Is It Worth It...?

It's the only question I have at this point in my life. From July 15th which was my 47th anniversary of me entering this realm. I made a promise to myself and that was to as "is it worth it?" To let that be the only question before I take another step in any direction. That doing so I would consider the present and future consequences...what does it mean today and what will it mean tomorrow down the line. Can I live with the final decision?.....can you?
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The Sign....Have I Missed It?....

    The past few days have been challenging to say the least. I have been reading at my leisure the book that a few have recommended that I tried but gave up on. It's an ok read.
   The true reason why I chose to write today is that this past week for the first time in a long time found myself wishing for another job.  It's as if my mind, body and soul are working in unison and are leading me to this place where I have to make a decision. I am at a very important intersection and I don't know which way to go.
   I seem to be waiting for a sign.....or have I missed it already?...

Understanding And Accepting.....

Sitting here letting my mind unravel I step back and just listening to the thoughts roam around my mind, most of the time they are silly but every now and then I get a small surprise and it was this, "you can't be the person you were 30yrs ago you must be the person you are today"...after that my world made a bit more sense.....enjoy..
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True Summer...

I recently had a conversation with a friend about "the weather"...yes, the weather and how fortunate we have been this past Spring and Summer that both of them have been true, temperature wise and in general. this only leads me to believe that this trend may continue and we will have a true Fall and Winter...
I also became aware that I really appreciate all the seasons and felt odd the one and only time I was with out them (when a hundred years ago) I spent ten months living in the Dominican Republic..Christmas didn't feel like Christmas with out the cold and snow; well enough of that, they all have their unique traditions and I like them all.....and the picture here is one of the many reasons I like Summer....
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Hey!

Yes I know it's been a while but I have been ah how do you say....yeah that's it "busy". Nah not much going on just enjoying this beautiful summer day on this quiet street in the town of Framingham, Ma. And getting ready to start my day of driving around Framingham.
I have also decided to take a new approach to this blog thing and make daily entries including a view for today and a brief line or two or three...well anyway it will have something to do with the view, picture or pictures... And the accompanying thoughts. It will be almost like a picture of my insides...you know thoughts...
Well here I go...and hope this doesn't turn into a fashion blog....hmm, there's a thought..out!
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LATELY......

     As of late things have been going a bit slower than expected or maybe they are at the pace they should be and I am just trying to inject my insecurities into the matter. I have been seeking inspiration from books, quotes and other various tools and I have even begun reading a book I had no desire to read but many people have highly recommended it to me so I finally gave in and got to reading it and halfway through the first chapter (no surprise) have lost interest and stopped. Then I “got it!” the realization that I dislike when people try to convince me of something I feel I should discover on my own because then I own it, it becomes my experience and I cherish it all the more than having someone describe theirs to me in hopes that I will enjoy it in the same way or want to have the same experience. It doesn’t happen. I like to have my experience my way and if you like I can share it with you in hopes that you will have your own. So here I sit in front of this laptop typing this brief anecdote in order to inspire you the two people that actually read it, to go out and have your own adventure and live your life and not keep track or score by (what most of us do) looking at what your peers have accomplished with the same time given to them…this has been one of the toughest traps for me to overcome on a personal level. You know it measuring up to some ideal set by someone you’ve never and will most probably ever meet and even if the person and you went and graduated from the same High School on the same day with the same grade point average then twenty-five years later you run into him around the Copley area in Boston and he is exiting his brand new Mercedes SUV as you are heading for the bus stop and you have that ten minute conversation and he is out celebrating just purchasing his second rental property not including the single family they actually live in and you don’t even own a car….and he and his wife of twenty years are also celebrating the acceptance of their twenty-two year old son(had him while still in high school) who just finished four years in Harvard and is going on to pursue a masters at some other fancy over priced university, because by now you have tuned out and you somehow invent an oh so urgent reason for having to cut this conversation short and answer the question, “so what are you up to?” with “oh not but much but hey lets catch up here is my email let me know when”….later gotta go….

"Farce-Book"...Over And Done!!..At Least For Me...

I just deactivated my Facebook account and it feels so freeing...I did not understand it at first then it was fun soon it became a burden until it was just unbearable. Now I am ignorant of any comments any bad days, good days or any such nonsense and if I am truly wanted I will be notified. There were some who took it too personal, some used it as a monitoring tool and others were stalking, something that was not acceptable. So now I am on Twitter and I do not accept negative people or negative comments or people that just want to sell you stuff. I have much more control and people do not take it personal. I micro-blog and it has proven to be a more positive experience. This is all part of my new life; out with the old in with the new!!!
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Do You Want To Get To The Top??

Look at the picture and think...if you wanted to get to the last floor in any of these buildings I mean REALLY wanted it and they told you that the elevators did not work and they offered you the stairs...would you take the stairs?
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Patience....New Life....

This past week I have been taking small steps to enter a new life.....and I read a quote on Monday that mentioned something about leaving the past in the past and that there are certain doors that once closed should remain shut...not to be revisited...That baggage should be left behind and start fresh and to be open to all the new possibilities that will show themselves once you leave all the bad stuff behind. Unfortunately that includes some people and at this point it seems to be the easiest part of the process. Is that bad?
And I still want to get away because that I did not want to make the decisions that needed to be made but I will make them when the time comes and after I make them I might be able to get away...Patience something that I am learning is the best way to go through anything especially a new life....

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Getting Away..

I can't believe that I would love to get away but reality keeps me from doing so. I find myself doing the next best thing and that is taking trips to the places that bring me good memories.
Starting something new in the middle of something else is quite the challenge and I find being overwhelmed by the desire to quit my day job and totally go full on into making clothing but again reality steps in and tells me that "I can't do that who's gonna pay the bills?!!!" This is where the "getting away" comes in and the desire to walk into a new life enters but I freeze, "reality" won't let it happen, so in comes the planning the measuring and all the tedious things that suck all the energy out of me. So I realize that I need a limitless funding machine that will allow me to create and dream and bring these dreams into reality....."I just wanna get away"..
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Still On The Path..

Hey! Just dropping in to let you all know that even though "doubt" and "fear" are still lurking I the inner I is still heading toward the dream. Things are still happening not at the speed I wish them to but none the less they continue....in the right direction in time I will have a couple of pieces to shop around and show...then comes the real work but it for that dream of simply having my own and owning it...hope all is well in your world..check in soon..
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Starting A New Journey

Stating a new journey even a mental one is to say the least strange and at times challenging. Opening oneself up to new ways of seeing and believing has put me in real tight situations when "doubt" creeps in and can come close to dragging me back to my old patterns and the next one to pop in is "fear" and that one has been the biggest boogie man so far until about a few months ago when I looked it straight in the eyes and told him I had been down that road you used to keep me there but no more because from now on you have been exposed for what you are a liar. I expect not only good things but great ones and as you both come and try you will no longer succeed I am on a new open road where the possibilities are waiting for me and I am greeting each and every step with open and expectant heart.
Only I can stop myself. I don't want to any more.....
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    Hey! for those who can follow me on  http://twitter.com/look4today 

You will get more up to date observations until i can find a way to link both so that i only have to write in one and it appears on both.

Just Do It...Even If It's Baby Steps....

Just do it. That is my new motto anything that I need to do must get done. The time and energy spent wishing and wanting is done.
" See yourself as the person you would most truly like to be. Then live that vision in every moment, with every thought and action."...
I read that yesterday and I read it today and I am reading it now. That quote is speaking to me now, but somehow I don't want to listen because the moment I do my mind will produce a million and one reasons why I can't live it. There is another side of me that remembers living this and not being aware but if I do it now I can't help but to be fully aware and this is where I have conflict, conflict with what I believe and who I believe in.
"I can't believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary."
Then I read something like that. So am I supposed to be some weirdo? I know that I am not but how do I merge these two and become the person I visualize and the extraordinary one the Creator put me here to be. I guess they are one and the same. So here another one to add to my "becoming" by doing... At the beginning of this year I promised myself I would start to incorporate as much of the things that I enjoyed back into my life as much as possible so I have.
The first was drawing and sketching that I have done.
The second was music and that I have done.
The third and last is jogging, I started by walking 30mins a day I would park the truck and just walk for half an hour and now I feel strong enough to start speed walking 30mins after work all to eventually get back to jogging for 7miles at least 3 to 4 times a week.
The year is close to the halfway mark and I feel confident that I will be fully enjoying all the things that use to bring me joy....the next I'm working on is traveling....come on let's go!...small but consistent is the way.
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Doing The Do...

Insight..clarity! This may be silly but lightning struck inside my head. The thing is this was the most obvious thought. when my hands are idle the mind plays tricks. The moment I "do" something any thing as in draw, write, mow the lawn in the back yard which by the way I did today along with pruning the front hedge, which by the way is missing two bushes, they were taken out when my aunt was backing in then finished off by me and the work truck when I first got it a giant Ford 150. Now on with the lightning bolt in my head. I must have pencil and paper near me at all times because when I am "doing" all is calm and I am focused but more important I am happy...
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Today was I was filled with energy. I drove out the town of Sherborn and went into the Natick office to download it. I also had to send the last five towns completed emails informing the corresponding team leaders. This took me about an hour because I also had to catalog all the repaired leaks and create boundaries for the town of Sherborn that I had just completed. Then after all this I started driving through the town of Waltham which happens to be a great town to drive out. Then I arrived home at around 6pm; I started up the lap top deleted a few emails and read up on a few blogs then the fun part of the day started I began to sketch again this time it wasn’t as focused as before it was a bit more free no set design as in, I will only sketch tops today or skirts so on and so on. Today was just free. Listening to great tunes and drawing. The next step will be adding color and mix and matching and choosing the fabrics that I have imagined them in. Man! Just writing about this is making me buzz with energy….I wonder how I’m going to whine down from this..I didn’t think this would be so much fun, I am also meeting up with an old coworker who is still in the industry and hopefully I can get some real tips on how to move it to the next step….actually making the garments!

Doing What You Love....Loving What You Do.....

Enjoying the ride. I believe that getting the most out of life is a good thing. I was reading one of my many favourite blogs and in the posting he was discussing happy experiences and what makes them happy is not what happened but what you put into it and how "in the moment you were". What we did and where we were did not matter the point was what we all contributed at that point that made it great.
Today after I got home from work I did a lot of the things that brought me joy you know made me happy and they were, spend time with my sister cracking jokes and after she left I sat down plugged into Itunes did a bit of web surfing pulled out my sketch book and just got into the moment. Time flew I did so much in the span of 4hrs that I couldn't believe it I even had the energy to post this entry on my blog. Wow I liked it so much I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!!! Don't forget about the things you love to do, do them and your day will be filled with joy....until next time..
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A Glimpse Into Creating......

"Whatever future you can imagine, you can create."
When I first read this you know what my thought was "yeah right" if thoughts have power than consider the one I uttered "yeah right"..what's that about? It is doubt..so is that the future that I will create? A future filled with doubt and fear? I do not want that as my future, so what future do I want? I had to empty my head of all those silly thoughts and arrive at the core and I have posted a picture to indicate the future that I want...now I must take action and start creating that future...
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A Glimpse...

Last night I couldn't sleep...maybe it was because I would be working today on Saturday something I haven't done in quite a long time eventually a fell into a nice deep relaxing sleep.
As I drove around Needham this morning I was listening to classical music quietly and it was low enough that I could hear the birds singing. Then the sun hit my eyes and just as quickly as it came it went, the whole thing was a glimpse in time the clouds came right in and the moment was gone. How many glimpses do we get before we see? How many do we need? When will they stop coming?....I decided that I was going to pursue and collect as many glimpses as I can because when I want to complain about any thing or circumstance I will have a whole bunch of glimpses to keep me afloat and on my way......thank you.
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Tapping Into Energy...

Moving forward can be scary but I love it, it's a nervous energy that rushes through me and allows me a glimpse into my future and all the possibilities. It's one of the best moments in my life, like total recall when the view is crystal clear and the fullness of it all hits you. That's what I used to run from and now it's all I can do to keep from running to it and giving in to all the overflowing impulses. So close I can taste it!....new found energy...go for it and feel the rush...what's holding you back?
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The Overnight Revelation..

I took a nap earlier today and this is the time and I can't get back to sleep. So what do I do? I blog about it. To think that about eight months ago I would have been working cleaning a "gondola" at the place I used to work. I would also be dreaming of having my freedom. At the beginning I did not mind and it took some getting used to but there was a reason. The reason became lost after a year working there then it was just for the money and to tell the truth nothing really got solved but I did meet some nice people and I guess they in there own ways helped me see myself in a better light I understood more of how I had given up on so many things that were and still are of value to me in my life. I had given too much up and what was left was depression and emptiness I forgot how much I enjoyed living and spending time with the people I love. The general sense of all being good and that good things would come my way....but as long as my "two" worlds were colliding I would always be in pain and nothing good would come my way. I did what I needed to do and that was make a choice and start to allow the valuable things back into my life and return to that place where I made the choices and to not simply accept the next best thing when it is really NOT.
I would like to thank the overnight crew for being there when I needed them and for allowing me the opportunity to see me and what was going on with me. The experience was of much more value than any of you will ever know. Hang in there until you find your way but once you do promise yourself that you will take it...
Good night.
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Time Does Have A Price....

It's a beautiful morning and I have been in a dark place. I find myself wanting so much and not able to do anything "immobile" so to speak. Things are moving along but maybe I want things to happen at a faster pace, they don't. That is just a fact that I must recognise and not let that get the best of me because I have been taking charge of more and more of my life. The taking back of ones life begs the question when did it leave or when did you loose it? As I sit here I almost see how I got here and it simply was because I let it happen. I had a trajectory also know as a "plan" and the one thing I did not do was stay on it all of that would have been ok but I ended up somewhere I did not want to be so now knowing this what to do? I should just ask myself what "I want to do?" That question is so loaded because so many things come to mind but if you have been following this blog you know that I have chosen and I am on my way but here I sit. I am not questioning nor am I stalling which is what I used to think before, before the revelation that what I do is based on inspiration and it's something I can't force, it comes when it comes and I just need to take advantage of it and I do that by having a sketch book at hand and scribble and jot down the ideas when they come it's that simple so now I will not be prone to or open myself up to the darkness that so often takes me and drags me away and it takes me 3 to 4 days wasted on feeding the depressing thoughts that render me immobile and constantly wasting precious time that can be used to become more productive. So what have I learned? Is that time is not free it cost you something in the short or long run it will bear fruit whether you use it or not so even when you are relaxing you can still be productive in fact even just sitting and looking at the sun rise I am flooded with thoughts so what do I do now? I write them down and share them with the few readers that I have..... So find it and do it and don't let time pass you by..
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Hope...Is It Real?

As I drive around some of the most beautiful neighbourhoods in Massachusetts and in doing so I have seen nature at it's best and of course at it's worst. What does this have to do with hope, plenty nature is one of the most obvious displays of hope. Simply because in the dead of winter when looking at the trees in all there nakedness is you wonder if the leaves will return but time has taught us that they do every single year. The lesson here for me is that no situation is permanent that anything and everything is renewed even if you loose a limb (God forbid). You can become bitter or you can turn it into something positive, many examples all around us. Take time and think about how you psyche yourself out which should demonstrate to you how powerful you thoughts are that they can convince you of things that are not true and can even lead you to a future that you did not have in mind. Hope is trusting that you will and can be in a better place by making the choices that will help you get to where you want to be.
Hope is knowing that everything in your life can change but it does not have to be for the worst it can be for the better it just takes a second to realize it, so take the time and realize it visualise it and head in that direction with all your heart....and trust and hope...
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I Can Still See..

Yes, today is a cloudy rainy day in Boston but that won't get to me because there are so many things that I need to do and they are not outdoors.
I must sketch there are many ideas that if are not put on paper will disappear. When the day began I was letting the weather dictate my mood but that soon dissipated when I got to the office and met up with "the grouch", Mr. Negative energy x10..I don't exaggerate, you know those people that the moment you are around them the energy level goes way down and all that are around become (for no apparent reason) tired, irritated and some even upset. The second I saw him my energy level rose and I had the extra energy I needed to do what I needed to do and more. I am beginning to believe all was due to the attitude adjustment that I resolved the second I saw him even before he saw me. I now consider that a small personal victory, he in turn even commented on how energised I seemed and he began nodding off. He became so frustrated that he shutdown and had to leave early. I just didn't give in to it his negative comments about the day the computer the boss not being there seemed irritated about everything as for me? I just listened and offer no opinion, so now a can sit here and enjoy the rest of my work day and look forward to a nice evening at home.
Learned a very valuable lesson today and that is, not to give in to negative thoughts or negative people even though we can't see because of things being in the way, if you look closer you can still see your way clear....and on to bigger things...!
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Thinking And The Next Step…

“Clarity: Having a clear picture of the outcomes you desire today.” Yeah just read this and I can’t seem to do it. I become distracted by thinking, yes; thinking is a form of distraction for me. I try to focus but my thoughts keep interrupting me dragging me far away until I start dreaming of things that I need to do and in the end I don’t do what I set out to do. So I started to question if I really wanted to do it in the first place or was I seeking a purposeful distraction in order to convince myself that I had something to do. The idea became known as “the jacket” because if I can make the jacket then I can start a project and actually finish which in turn would demonstrate that I can focus and accomplish a task and hopefully become a bit more inspired to take on the next piece which would be “the dress” or more aptly put “the evening gown” all this thought process to do something I used to do without much preparation but again I was in the industry and all the tools I needed were at hand. Now after being away for fifteen years I am slow finding my way back and realizing that I should have never given all those tools away and now I’m frantically searching for. Thank you internet, now I have to gather the money and buy these essential goods because I live in Boston and the only place in Boston that carried these items shut down about three weeks ago (ah no heads up) just gone. So I believe that this Friday as it is pay day and if no (financial) emergency rears its ugly head I will go ahead and place my much needed order and wait. The one thing I hate to do is getting all fired up for a party and then not being able to go or worse it turns out to be a drag. I sit here thinking and the thoughts turn to sketching come to think about it I should just sketch until my tools are delivered…productive thinking….not giving in to the distractions only if they are productive and help me get closer to my goal…. The completion of ”the jacket”….hey! have a great day ‘cause now I’m gonna sketch…what are you thinking about doing?

Beautiful Light

As I sit here locked in at home listening to the rain and it will rain all day tomorrow but I am not a weatherman and the weather report is not what I write about. I was enjoying some down time and I got on the internet and was looking at some design and architect home sites. I came upon a house that really made me want it, now mind you I drive around Boston suburbs and see beautiful homes for days on end....but this one on the website was amazing, absolutely fantastic. I even put it on Facebook and titled it "Future Home".
I chose this picture because it captured the feeling I got when I saw this house. I kept looking at the house and the more I kept looking at the house the more details about the life and how I would live in it also the car I would drive into the garage, well everything and I came back from my vision and I heard the rain and it was the best sound ever...because I kept seeing the beautiful light in the picture....I'm not being delusional but I am trying to keep a reasonable view of my future and how what I do today will help me on my way there..... Are you on your way?
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Becoming Clear..

How to move on when you've played and lost? The easy answer is to get back in the game. Even when these words were spoken to another person, I still had a problem with them. My response "oh that's easy for you to say"

I'm not a kid that is riding his bike and falls off and if there is an audience he makes a seen but if that child is alone....most just dust themselves off and get back on and eventually learn how to ride that bike.

There is a difference because now I am an adult and there is something that happens in the journey from a child to an adult and that is "life" the "teacher" and most of us fail because instead of falling and getting back on we become aware and focused on a thing called "pain" (emotional and physical) and this is something I personally do not want to revisit and trying to avoid it seems to give it more power and the less new things you want to try until one becomes a coward and that only becomes evident when a friend from the past "all of a sudden" appears you know "oh guess who I ran into" and you get to chatting and THAT horrible question comes out of their lips "and what do you do for a living" and this after they spent the first half of the meet making you feel as if you have wasted the last twenty years of your life. Rewind go back and listen to what they were saying and before you give in to feeling like a total waste of space, all he really said was "I fell, dusted myself off and got back on again" ...... They didn't give up that's all and I'm sure there's more but at the core and the fact that they never said die. If the first way didn't work try it another way but the point was to "get back in".

So last year in my head a thought started to formulate and it was based on a few comments certain people made that got me thinking and inspired so since then I have been looking for that "bike"
After much thought I realized "why not start with what I know I can do". I started with very small steps and now am beginning to believe and even...hope and taking steps in that new direction....so here I am just hours from my first project in 15yrs. I'm going to get back on.....

Life is going to teach...are you willing to learn?
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