Not So Clear...

Today is one of those "not clear" days. I have been distracted dreaming of what could have been what should have been and arriving to what is. It is as though I fell into a thought and it just unraveled and carried me along with it, and I seemed to get a bit bothered by the waste it seemed to be and now I ask, was it?
One of my glitches is that I have trouble that it is ok to have these thoughts and the trick is to not give in to the idea but to see them as they truly are and that is distractions nothing more and nothing less. Remembering the important thing is to keep moving forward even after a small little diversion.....so don't get worked up notice what is going on then just move on, almost like taking a small break. Enjoy the small accomplishments they are as sweet as the bigger ones. I gotta keep in mind that thousands of small bricks make a big house...so now where is that other brick?.....
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The Road.....(Conclusion?)...

As I tried to remember and reconnect to that which lay dormant for so long in me. I realized I had to allow myself to become vulnerable and open and transparent to things that I hid and locked away due to pain suffered.
To simply admit to myself that I still want to live my dreams is difficult; God this is hard, I feel naked just writing the words, they conjure all sorts of painful memories that I do not want to revisit because they expose all my neglected desires to achieve the once achievable, held up to the light of the present simply expose all the flaws and this is where the cuts burn but if I am to go on this must be. They will heal in time and I will push through.
Today I go back to the place where I left off. I go to pick up that left dream left behind. To resuscitate and bring back to life and bring it to the present.....difficult but not impossible. Do I dare?
I do, I do dare....This new road is lighter, it holds so much more promise not because it's different but I the traveler on it is. There is more depth which I am certain will make this time a richer more fulfilling experience......Here I go..
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The Road...Part 1

I was on a road once and I thought that I new were it would lead. It looked promising and full of wondrous beauty. The road was not of yellow bricks but it was my road and I started on it full of joy. On this road I had what would later in my life prove it self to be a small heartbreak but in time become over shadowed by much bigger surprises.
I was a full fledged DREAMER, nothing was impossible no dream too big nor too small all was good. It was all accompanied with a smidgen of apprehension and fear but not enough to paralyze me, I kept moving because obstacles were merely challenges prompting me to retreat and create new ways of overcoming and conquering them. The dream was bigger than me and distractions started to creep in and with no true guidance entertained me as I gave in to complacency therefore becoming disenchanted and my kingdom built on DREAMS began to disintegrate and slowly loose it's appeal and challenges became insurmountable and immovable objects that I quickly let move in. I had given up. Later in life I received what is know as my second wind and I got back on the road but it did not have the same appeal, I had lost so much along the way and "my memories served me far too well and if these wounds they were self inflicted I don't really know how my poor heart could have protected me"...G. Michael.
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Expectation?....

Today started as a good day then a couple of events unfolded around noon and distracted me and I became slightly annoyed, the irritation really got in and started to bring me down but I kept on pushing through it but to no avail because my mood became increasingly sour...then as the day move on and the sun got into a setting position the glare caught me in the eyes and at that point it clicked. I saw what it was I had plans and they did not happen the unforeseen events caused me to change them. I remembered this is why I do not make plans I simply let the day unfold and adjust as it goes. Once I realized that the mood changed and the evening got suddenly better the possibilities started to present themselves the inspirations returned. And all was well again.
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