Wandering and Facebook?

I was wondering about well I should say I was wandering through Facebook and happened upon a phrase posted by a person dear to me and it was...."Life loves to give to those who appreciate what they already have"...it started me thinking about something that I have not been in quite a while and that is Grateful. I have for so long focused on what I did not have that what I did have. I believed I came across as ungrateful. So from this moment on I will take a moment in every day to list all the good things in my present life that I am Grateful for.
1. My children in good health.
2. My back not bothering me today.
3. My mom still alive.
4. My sister and my niece and nephew.
5. My 3 aunts that are also found in good health.
6. My two female cousins.
7. The few trusted Friends.
You get the message I am more thankful for those in my life them the things in my life because these are the people that inspire me in my life.

Wandering in My Head

I wrote something earlier today and I did not want to leave with the wrong impression.
I have more dreams but the one about raising a family in a house like the one above is gone. I only hope that I will have the courage to live out the ones that I have left.......by the way this picture here is how my future is starting to look...

Wandering and a Dream.......

The picture above is the type of house I would have loved to raise my family in. As I drove by it this morning I was overtaken by a sense of loss, knowing that the time to do this had long passed and then came the lump in my throat as tears filled my eyes and rolled down my face as the wave of emotions flooded my being. I mourned the loss of a dream one that I never got to live, I guess that’s why it still hurts. The moment lasted about fifteen minutes and as I came back to myself and realized that I was not ready to own a house such as this, I did not have the wherewithal to obtain it. I was too weak of character and determination to do what it took to obtain the lifestyle that would afford me a house such as this. So now all I have is this picture and a lost dream….

Taking A Ride With...The Dark Passenger.

Taking a ride with the "dark passenger" led me down a very dark road. I did not know how bad my thoughts still were, for some reason I thought I was a bit better but I guess not.
The journey I've been on started 16 years ago when I stopped on a well lit highway and made the "dark passenger" get into the trunk and I moved on. I believed I was free of this but 16 years later here I sit and he is next to me asking me why I did I do that, why?

He said: I helped you, I fed you and you grew but somebody got to you and somehow convinced you different. Why? Was all you saw not enough proof? Did you really think all that you saw was a lie?

I had no answer...the only thing I could offer was an apology but some how that was not enough. The "dark passenger" wanted more much more.....he demanded sacrifice....what was I to do; should I just put him back in the trunk and move on or should I try and reconnect?

So many angry and disturbed thoughts came back, all that holding back trying to do the right thing and what do I have to show for it? Not much just disappointment and sadness. no hopes no dreams. All I have is a day to day existence doing what I have to do.

Trust...hmm...do I dare go down that undefined road, or do I stay on the path that offers security the one that I know the one that will not let me down. The one that is clearly marked. The proven path....or do I make my own a new and adventure filled, action pack one. This is the choice and it must be made soon...or the door will close and the choice will be gone then I must accept what is given....not what I want...choices....the "dark passenger" is waiting...