Strange, the thoughts that come to one’s mind when you are looking back at the past twelve months. I don’t do this often but this year I find myself wanting to. I always want to believe that I will make a list of five things that I will change and at the end of the year see how many of them are accomplished.
I would like to think that if I make it three things that I will accomplish all three then I thought better about the whole thing and that I should just stick to one. This makes the whole adventure even more difficult because now out of all those things in my life that I wish to make better I have to choose one because any more than that would surly lead to failure. That is the thing I want to avoid in the coming year. Failure it is something that I have unfortunately become accustomed to lately or shall I say as I got older. This brings me to my main point; getting older things that did not matter all of a sudden (not really) become urgent, but since when and why? The question leads to many other questions that I do not have answers for nor time to ponder. I must stick to the one thing that I want to change…..as I was typing it came to me….the one thing I would love to change is the way I think. Turning from failure to never giving up and to somehow when faced with difficulties reaching inside me to find that small spot where hope sits quietly waiting to be called upon. Hope the one thing I lost somewhere along the way and now find myself slowly reacquainting with it.
It was with me for so long and I leaned on it so much, in fact I used to ride it like the clouds on the wind not giving it a second thought until I started making decisions as an adult with no belief always second guessing every single decision. I used to think it was having discernment showing how grown up I was you know making adult decisions. In reality I was walking away from belief and most important hope.
"Non, je ne regrette rien"… no, I regret nothing, because all of it brought me to this point, this place in my life where I can see having lived an unfocused life. Now from this vantage point I can make an informed decision. I have a clear advantage based on the past and now I know where I do not want to be a year from today and two years from today. I know where I do want to be by the end of next year.
I will start…… with hope and belief……
I would like to think that if I make it three things that I will accomplish all three then I thought better about the whole thing and that I should just stick to one. This makes the whole adventure even more difficult because now out of all those things in my life that I wish to make better I have to choose one because any more than that would surly lead to failure. That is the thing I want to avoid in the coming year. Failure it is something that I have unfortunately become accustomed to lately or shall I say as I got older. This brings me to my main point; getting older things that did not matter all of a sudden (not really) become urgent, but since when and why? The question leads to many other questions that I do not have answers for nor time to ponder. I must stick to the one thing that I want to change…..as I was typing it came to me….the one thing I would love to change is the way I think. Turning from failure to never giving up and to somehow when faced with difficulties reaching inside me to find that small spot where hope sits quietly waiting to be called upon. Hope the one thing I lost somewhere along the way and now find myself slowly reacquainting with it.
It was with me for so long and I leaned on it so much, in fact I used to ride it like the clouds on the wind not giving it a second thought until I started making decisions as an adult with no belief always second guessing every single decision. I used to think it was having discernment showing how grown up I was you know making adult decisions. In reality I was walking away from belief and most important hope.
"Non, je ne regrette rien"… no, I regret nothing, because all of it brought me to this point, this place in my life where I can see having lived an unfocused life. Now from this vantage point I can make an informed decision. I have a clear advantage based on the past and now I know where I do not want to be a year from today and two years from today. I know where I do want to be by the end of next year.
I will start…… with hope and belief……
