Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Day Three...

This the third day and people keep thinking that this time belongs to them but they are sadly mistaken this time right here is mine and I have many plans and small projects that I have committed to and they will unfortunately receive a rude awakening when I won't do what they believe I "should" do....

Saturday, December 17, 2011

No Bliss...

Yeah, I'm at it again. The time and date are as fuzzy as I feel right now. 4:26am December 17, 2011....yeah, I was doing this last year at this same time, Oh and the first train is at 5:30am so I sit and wait and also wonder "for how much longer must I howl into this wind?"...well I have been given an opportunity and man oh man is this man right here gonna take full advantage of this one because I don't really know if it's gonna be the last time I am given one....but this right here....is the last year I let last year keep repeating itself...time to give up the struggle and just live. Plain and simple.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Reminder...

Had to go through my foto archives and dig this one up...to remind me of my new goal and new focus and not to loose hope. That no matter the situation this is my view....new..shiny...hope...!

Monday, December 12, 2011

No!

Just moments ago I woke up from an absolutely beautiful dream, so beautiful I had tears still falling from my eyes. I realized such beautiful moments can only be lived in dreams. If it were ever to materialize I don't believe that would survive.....

Friday, December 9, 2011

State Of Being...

Today I am using one of the days that I have left and must use before the "big finally". I chose to do something I am used to doing and that would be, people watch, wow, just had an idea what if I could get paid to do this "people watch"...man I would be all set...moving on...I sit here at Starbucks on a stool in front of large windows and just watch them come and go. Most of them programmed zombies living off their intricately designed lives others winging it and the very few living with total intent. Look at the plant in this picture it is not conscious of what it is and how beautiful and inspiring it is to me and all it is, is "being"....if I were describe it would be "living with beautiful intent" and I realize this is how I want to live...

Sunday, December 4, 2011




Crippled and lead down a road none of them ever dreamed of choosing. As sad as all that sounds it affords me a glimpse into my possible future if I do not take decisive action and get involved in a more conscience way in my life. To stop letting things happen and then reacting to them I need to pursue the things that I would like, so herein lay the rub, if God is in control then all I plan and want may not be His plan for me and how can He make that obvious to me? I believe He closes doors, such as He is doing now with the termination of the position I hold at my current place of employment. As if to say “go there is nothing here for you, enough wasting time” now all I do is apply to positions I see myself doing , but without my heart just with all the logic I can muster, the positions that can allow me to climb and obtain a higher salary and more outward stability and security. I have also applied to one dream position and I say dream because it is part of the industry I am strongly drawn to but I have none of the new qualifications they require, I do it every time one appears just to see if He wants me back there….. The picture above helps me remember that their is still beauty around no matter how ugly things seem to be getting i will always hold on to hope...    

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Hmmm...

I sit here and start to look at the possibilities....and they seem infinite...!

Holding On.....

Some times you hold on to some thing so strong that it's gone and you don't even notice.
Then something new comes but you're to busy still holding on that you miss the new thing and there you are with nothing. The first thing you must do is let go, if you want the new sometimes you must let go of the old....