That's it!...things have to change!! Ugh! Enough!! Need to move on. I can no longer go on like this. That was the main thought process for me this whole week. Here I am watching helpless no way out full of disillusion and pain. I can't see a way out, maybe I refuse to. Most of the time I believe I like this state of being always feeling hounded and that nothing good will ever happen as circumstances keep me imprisoned. I fear that I will never be free. At this point I ask what's the point? Why bother. Really? To go out on top, on top of what? All I ever really wanted was a good and decent life with a bit of joy and not feeling as though all is constantly falling apart and feeling abandoned by a God that picks and chooses who gets it and who doesn't. So no matter what I hope for and what I desire I only get 2% of that. As for giving 100%, I gave all I had and none of it was returned in case your asking what I gave away so freely was trust and hope always looking up with trust and now the trust bank is overdrawn. Don't even know if I want to any more. Maybe I don't really want all those things I once thought I wanted maybe all I want is a quiet place to live where I can eat from any fruit in the garden take a nap, swim in crystal waters and create beautiful things, make my own house, furniture and clothing and live on a lush island..
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