Day Three...

This the third day and people keep thinking that this time belongs to them but they are sadly mistaken this time right here is mine and I have many plans and small projects that I have committed to and they will unfortunately receive a rude awakening when I won't do what they believe I "should" do....

No Bliss...

Yeah, I'm at it again. The time and date are as fuzzy as I feel right now. 4:26am December 17, 2011....yeah, I was doing this last year at this same time, Oh and the first train is at 5:30am so I sit and wait and also wonder "for how much longer must I howl into this wind?"...well I have been given an opportunity and man oh man is this man right here gonna take full advantage of this one because I don't really know if it's gonna be the last time I am given one....but this right here....is the last year I let last year keep repeating itself...time to give up the struggle and just live. Plain and simple.

Reminder...

Had to go through my foto archives and dig this one up...to remind me of my new goal and new focus and not to loose hope. That no matter the situation this is my view....new..shiny...hope...!

No!

Just moments ago I woke up from an absolutely beautiful dream, so beautiful I had tears still falling from my eyes. I realized such beautiful moments can only be lived in dreams. If it were ever to materialize I don't believe that would survive.....

State Of Being...

Today I am using one of the days that I have left and must use before the "big finally". I chose to do something I am used to doing and that would be, people watch, wow, just had an idea what if I could get paid to do this "people watch"...man I would be all set...moving on...I sit here at Starbucks on a stool in front of large windows and just watch them come and go. Most of them programmed zombies living off their intricately designed lives others winging it and the very few living with total intent. Look at the plant in this picture it is not conscious of what it is and how beautiful and inspiring it is to me and all it is, is "being"....if I were describe it would be "living with beautiful intent" and I realize this is how I want to live...

Crippled and lead down a road none of them ever dreamed of choosing. As sad as all that sounds it affords me a glimpse into my possible future if I do not take decisive action and get involved in a more conscience way in my life. To stop letting things happen and then reacting to them I need to pursue the things that I would like, so herein lay the rub, if God is in control then all I plan and want may not be His plan for me and how can He make that obvious to me? I believe He closes doors, such as He is doing now with the termination of the position I hold at my current place of employment. As if to say “go there is nothing here for you, enough wasting time” now all I do is apply to positions I see myself doing , but without my heart just with all the logic I can muster, the positions that can allow me to climb and obtain a higher salary and more outward stability and security. I have also applied to one dream position and I say dream because it is part of the industry I am strongly drawn to but I have none of the new qualifications they require, I do it every time one appears just to see if He wants me back there….. The picture above helps me remember that their is still beauty around no matter how ugly things seem to be getting i will always hold on to hope...    

Hmmm...

I sit here and start to look at the possibilities....and they seem infinite...!

Holding On.....

Some times you hold on to some thing so strong that it's gone and you don't even notice.
Then something new comes but you're to busy still holding on that you miss the new thing and there you are with nothing. The first thing you must do is let go, if you want the new sometimes you must let go of the old....

Nostalgia...

Today as I drive through Needham Ma and it reminds me of certain areas of Queens NY where I spent most of my youth.
And listening to Billy Joel doesn't help. The memories come and they are good but sad because times have definitely changed....as an adult I miss those days (something I'd never thought I'd say)....have a great day!

Tweet from @Soulseedzforall

Finding lots of good reading for myself and passing it on....very positive....Enjoy!

@Soulseedzforall: You CAN change, you CAN let go of things that are holding you back. http://tinyurl.com/3zgh69g

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Lasting...

So far this has been one of the Landmarks I have grown fond of in the city of Boston it reminds me some things can and should be kept....not all memories are bad...

Today Ripples....

Today they may be ripples and tomorrow waves...but the boat seem to always find they way to stay afloat...

Light....

No matter how dark it gets light can always be found...even if it's just a glimpse...

Decisions.... Constant Calling...

    Life has presented me with a true test of faith, will and belief I have never seen it as clear as I do now. Life is calling and I once again am possessed by strong doubts based on things witnessed or the talk all around as to how bad the economy is and how there are no fashion design companies in Boston that I can reach by public transportation and that I don’t have a car and on and on all the negative thoughts pop into my head and the obvious one is MONEY but the invisible one is fear. The fear of not getting it in the first try and only having one company that has what I do and the company that uses the system I learned on designs shoes and sports clothing and is a bit more accessible by public transportation but they are not hiring and the similar bridal design company in Boston will close its doors this December the same time my job phases out at Comcast. All the visual sings point to it being the wrong time to attempt the leap, that it would be a miracle if I were to land a position in a company that required 2 years experience on a system I haven’t used know nothing about and all these other programs I never even looked at much less used. These to me are facts, and in the face of these I don’t see a future therefore no hope.

The battle within continues facts and reality stand against hope and faith as I waver in the face of opportunity the 3^rd and maybe final chance Life is presenting to me at this moment, should I play it safe and wait for a better climate or take the most daring ride and potentially drag my family on the craziest ride of all our existences? In my youth I was always up for a good adventure but Life seems intent on beating it out of me and that 19 year old spirit within me is yelling to be unleashed one more time and wants to carry me to the potentially greatest adventure of my life….! 

Last look.....

The last look before heading home and settling down for two more work days then a long and renewing weekend...so it begins...!

Perfect Timing..

Twilight one of my favorite times of day....right up there with dawn...

View....

This would've been one of my views...

Remembering....

I remember when in design school watching them build this building and wanting to live there...

4 Myths about Doing What You Love for Work | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

OMG!!!! FINALLY SOMEONE IS TELLING THE TRUTH!!!!!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-myths-about-doing-what-you-love-for-work/

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Last View...Sherborn..

Still fall has to be one of the best time of the year for me...

Last Views....Sherborn

I really love the town of Sherborn, Ma. It has the most trees and farms per square miles than any other town within a 50mile radius..(Not a fact) just my opinion...but I love it. You can drive through the center of town within minuets and actually miss it, I guess that's one of the many charms. Definitely on my top 10 list of towns to live in. I'm gonna miss it..

Lazy Autumn...

Enjoying a lazy autumn late afternoon....and expecting the best...always
As I drove to pick up my youngest son from the train station with the grandson in the back and listening to some calming classical music....all I could think about was this picture and that road leading to some great destination....man! I need a vacation..!

Tweet from @EternalQuotes

@EternalQuotes: Don't cry for your loss. God won't take anything from you without replacing it with something better. #EQ

I really want to believe this...maybe I need a little help finding what was replaced. I already have a list of things that were taken...as long as I can catch sunsets like this I'll be good..

Read this in a tweet....

@EternalQuotes: Don't expect too much, it'll only bring you pain and disappointment. #EQ

This is a good one for me right now..

Here And Now...

I haven't been on this side of The Prudential in so long I forgot how relaxing it was....especially in the colder months..
I must enjoy what leisure time I have left because in the last month and the beginning of next year I plan on being extremely busy!...can't wait..!

Enjoying Boston..

Earlier today I walked along the Rose Kennedy Way and came upon this new visitor help center..very modern..sort of reminds me of the under belly of some giant sea creature...

Getting What I Need....

Today was a slow day and as it passed it seemed to get slower and I became sluggish. I shook it off and seemly made it home on a better note. I tried to settle in and go through my routine but something wouldn't let me so I got dressed and made my way out the feeling that overcame me was to get out go out and walk amongst the rush hour crowd. The moment I stepped outside my mood became lighter and a bit of hope started to come. So I got on the bus and made it to town got off the in front of the Christian Science sprinklers and walked towards the Charles River and along the way my mood had taken on new energy and as I walked along the river I turned around got on a small bridge and took this picture and sat there for a moment to appreciate the view at that very second I realized "this is what I needed"......hope you can get what you need and can always appreciate it..!
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Last Views...

Last views come from the fact that December 31st the job that I do for the company that I do it for will be no more and I do not know when the next time I will be able to have the opportunity to see these views. As I drve by beautiful ones I will share them with you....this is in Water town, Ma....enjoy.
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Forgive Me....

Yes, forgive me if I've posted this picture before but the weather here in Boston is not at it's best so I took this opportunity to remind myself of my focus and what I want my life to be....thank you...enjoy!
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It Was A Good day...

Today was a good day...one of the best so far..a bit of everything...as I sit here and a guitar soloist proceeds to select songs from my ipod "sappy" play list...lovely day...
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Long Time...

I sit remembering so much. I look at the Westin and I can recall walking around Copley with my fellow young fashion design buddies...all of us dreaming of being the next Oscar, Valentino or that new hot shot Versace...The Westin was just starting to be built...and now it's been there for nearly 30 years...spent my first night as a newly married man on the 28th floor facing the Charles River and drinking champagne and eating Godiva chocolates....
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Fall...?

Sitting in front of the Boston Public Library...which as a side note..will be officially a museum dedicated to books...in the near future...moving on. I sit here enjoying one of the few remaining "summer like" days. In my opinion I don't think this coming Winter will be brutal but I could be wrong.
Well, I sit here doing one of my favorite things and that would be people watching which also brings to mind how much I love this city. It's just the right size not so big that you would get lost and not so small that you would become bored..but really don't mind me it took me a good fifteen years to totally fall for Boston. In this city I had the chance to model, fall in love get married raise 3 kids get divorced and in between have the first wedding gown that I design photographed for a nationally distributed Bridal Magazine...yes I love Boston because I know it will allow me to reinvent myself and it will give me another chance at success..!
P.S....I Love You Boston..
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Powerful...

I was listening to Oasis and a song that I haven't heard in ages came on. It reminded me of a person I met almost 14 years ago, this person believed in me made me want to always be better and live up and beyond all I could've imagined...the power of belief...wish I could meet that person today and tell them how much it meant to me back then and even now...still means a lot...believe..!
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My View...On My Life..

I have decided that this will live in my mind as my life...I know things can become very dark, desperate and extremely difficult but in my mind it will always look like this...
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Soulseeds » Blog Archive » Setting the Tone New Beginnings

....Couldn't sleep, then I found this...all signs are pointing me in the right direction...hope this helps...thank you Soulseeds.!!
http://www.soulseeds.com/grapevine/2011/09/setting-the-tone-new-beginnings/

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Tweet from @LargerThanWords

" When life hands you chances, take them or else they will become wasted regrets." #LargerThanWords

This right here is why I have decided to do what I will in January.....many have told me that I'm foolish and that I'm crazy...but I don't want to live with "regrets".

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What It Means To Follow Your Bliss and Why You Should!

This is one of the best explanations to date...so read and enjoy...always wishing you the best...whatever you choose..!

http://thedailylove.com/what-it-means-to-follow-your-bliss-and-why-you-should/

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"They"...Say...

They say the sky is the limit. I don't like high rises the highest floor I would live on would be about the fith or maybe sixth but beyond that, nothing.
This may be connected to my view of life I remember being in fifth grade science class and having a desire to be "average", the reason behind it was simply not liking the attention nor the pressure that comes with expectations others may have of me. (I often gave the right answer) not because I was a future brilliant M.I.T. student nope I just loved science or maybe the explanations of how most of the things that surround us daily came about...basically very curious.
Well..."The sky is the limit" may have come from some scientist commenting on the discovery of not one but many universes.
I for now am not concerned with the sky but a starting point here on Earth thank you..
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Testing..?

Trying out a new look..go to the blog and see if you like..
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Want..!

From now on this will be my life..!
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Small Oasis...

A small place to enjoy a nice cup of coffee and some morning sun..
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Yeah...I See...

Yesterday I heard someone speaking on how your thoughts create your reality. I have heard this before but never like this, the man actually walked you through it using everyday examples things that we don't even think about. The one that got me was the man driving and a few things had gone wrong that morning and he kept wondering when things were gonna turn around for him when some one cut him off on his way to hear the man give a seminar on "how our thoughts create our reality" and he just yelled "you dumb S.O.B!" When the speaker at the seminar said what we speak comes back to us and creates our reality. BAM! The light came on he had cursed the driver so his thoughts were about cursing others which in turn cursed his life. The speaker suggested to think and let the thought go and speak "blessings" and "blessings" will come back to you...the "cursed" was a pastor....what are you cursing and expecting blessings in return..what we put out comes back to us...
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The Road....

Today as I sit and take my 15min break. I feel a bit strange for still wanting some of the things I do. On this street are two of the homes I wished I lived in and to still admit that I want this dream is sad and hopeful all at once. Sad because a certain version of it can no longer be but hopeful because another version of it can still become true. It's not so bad to face a little reality every now and then as long as you don't "throw the baby out with the bath water". I seem to always manage to keep a bit for myself....
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Today...Look

Wow! I woke up this morning with energy and focus. There seemed to be a purpose to this day and so it started, laundry and a bit of pre-fall cleaning this one goes much deeper than the Spring cleaning. I take this opportunity to really focus on my life long goal to simplify down to absolute need.
In my stripping down and organizing I also tackled my two teen boys wardrobe and had them choose and now we are ready for Fall and Winter with the absolute basics. So going through all this stuff I discovered the foto that accompanies this entry it's a picture of me living out one of my dreams and that was to be a print model(runway requires at least 6ft tall) so that automatically left me the print stuff. My next desire was to have one of my dresses in a magazine and ten years later it was so. Then everything started to unravel but that's not my focus any longer my new focus is regaining all my lost desires and this picture will be on my wall to serve as a constant reminder that I MUST regain my desires and goals...I did it once and I can once again...!
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Many To Form One...

It takes many working together to form one, so it doesn't matter what you contribute, it may form part of something even greater than you had ever imagined....so give from your heart the place where your desires and dreams live...
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Remember...!

Yes! Remember and do not forget that this image was someone's imagination, dream and desire...now we share in this persons imagination...What will your imagination share with us when you decide to release it..?
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Testament..

These flowers serve as a testament that life with much care and the right conditions can flourish anywhere..!
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Renewed...

All can be renewed and even made better...it takes a true core desire to do it. This tree exist inside and looks just like the ones outside...at one point someone had the idea and made it come true...They believed it could be done..
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Nope...It's Saturday Afternoon...

I wrote that heading because about 4 years ago I lived on a crazy street where drugs were sold out in clear view of an casual observer where every other day there was a shooting and after every party the after party would be held on that street. My room faced the main street so I heard all the nights activities.....
The reason I wrote this was because now as I look out my front window at a time when the street would be populated with at least 10 young adults hanging out and selling drugs...there is quiet and people are in their backyards enjoying cookouts and the weather.
For all of this I am extremely thankful and I will never forget the year I spent in literal hell. This is one of my thankful moments...there will soon be more...
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Some Things Don't...

As I drive around the towns doing my job, in the back of my mind I am aware that next quarter will be the last time I do this job and see these towns. It all seems so bitter sweet. Moving on is one of those things that takes me a bit longer than it would others. Knowing things have to change and not wanting them to. In my heart I know things will get better and I will encounter difficulties but I have an obligation to myself to do the best that I can with what I am given. This job didn't pay much but there is no guarantee that my next job will pay more but the freedom and the views this job has given me will never be forgotten. So when I'm at my new job and the day is getting tough I will take a break and remind myself that I had a "beautiful" job once....
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Real..

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped
by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let
the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important,
have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what
you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

- Steve Jobs, Jobs is a rad guy who co-founded Apple.

In my daily reads I came upon this quote. It caught my heart because this man has lived his dream....and now he is facing the hardest challenge of his life...but he has accomplish so much...much respect to him and his life for he lived what he believed...so using him as a living example I hope to live even a portion of what he did....God speed to you Mr. Jobs...hoping for the best....as I begin to live my dream....!
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No Matter What...

Every one can see the same event but each will have their own interpretation...I just pray that my heart and actions are one and the same...synchronization is key...knowing walking hand in hand with doing...doing what one is born to do...
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I Don't Know....But...

Yeah I'm 90% not sure but as long as I can see a bit of light...all will be well..
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Not Always...

I am in a strange situation...there is an opportunity on the horizon, one is to stay and accept a position that may increase my pay by $1.50 and I will not be happy might even be miserable. The odd thing is that I will be a bit more comfy financially and may be able to finally have a vacation with my boys next summer. Here is the draw back, I don't have the qualifications for the job but my supervisor says he will get me "in". I don't like that but I'm torn because I need the job and also I will be "that guy" that had no qualifications and got the job because I knew someone. So I'll be the pariah that no body will train and I will always play catch up and will eventually hate it. The only way to get training is to enter the customer service department and that will take 3 months of paid training but there are no openings so there no training classes. The other side is I can take the package and collect unemployment and get my design thing going and work part time retail and hustle it and do what I love to do ....WAIT!! I was dreaming again I'll just be an adult and be "the pariah"..?
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What?

"What is your heart telling you?" This is the heading of another blog by the name of (the daily love), I sometimes read it and all it does is remind me of all the things that I don't do.
This heading in particular is something I don't do anymore, I guess doing it was too painful. I just stopped listening and have been letting reality dictate my "next" move. This is less painful and helps to keep me focused on a more realistic view of my life....
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