Then when I am done and about to loose hope, this light shines and for a moment I regain some hope and become a bit more thankful for what I have. Then I try to ask and obtain a firm foot hold but the light goes back to the peep hole shine as if I were not allowed more than this(peephole) as though for some reason I am allowed to hope biut never have. Like this lyric from one of my favorite songs in the 80's...."You're the fastest runner but you are not allowed to win"..unfortunately this has been the "verse" that seems to follow me no matter how positive I become the waves come and wash it all away. I will wait for the day I have permission to do and not get slapped down....
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